How to Help Those Who are Struggling
We’ve all been there. A random phone call or quick moment at a party. A friend or family member taking the time to let you in that they need your help. That can mean listening to their concerns or conundrum. Or it can mean that they need to you take action with/for them. No matter what the need is it can be hard to know exactly how to act. If you have never asked for help from someone then this is for you. If you are someone who has but has also been on the receiving end this is also for you because we’re not so great at this either.
In America this is a particularly difficult problem because we constantly ask others in social settings, ‘How are you doing?’ With no desire to know the answer. It is more common in Europe to only ask this question socially if you, as the asker, actually care so it is not thrown around as an informal way to start a conversation. So for this article, we are going with the American version of this question.
Step 1 — Stop.
It is so easy to dismiss those that are looking for help as being annoying or putting themselves upon you. From the perspective of the one struggling, working through complex problems means too much time in one’s mind which can be very dangerous, depending on the problem. It takes a monumental amount of effort for someone in a tough place to say something out loud because they feel like everyone around them must see that they are struggling. When those around them don’t see their struggle as problematic it is a rejection of their pain. So many of the signs of going through difficulty can be explained away with a million other reasons that don’t require others to intervene.
Stopping what you are doing to pay attention to the person asking for help is the only way to show that person that you are completely there for them.
Step 2 — Listen.
As previously stated, when someone is having difficulties but finally gets the courage to speak up it is a big deal. So often that person is rebuked or ignored when they do so which can have a detrimental effect. It teaches them that speaking up is useless, makes them feel more alone, and will be less likely to ask for help a second time. It says to the person who is asking that the people who always said they were there for them don’t care about their well being so it’s best just to keep quiet. No one likes a complainer, am I right? No…I am not right — and you’re not complaining.
Asking for help is showing strength, not weakness.
Step 3 — Help them.
This doesn’t always mean having to do something. Most of the time this simply means taking time out of your day to connect with this person. Make them feel less alone and that they are supported. Good support is all that people need to bridge a gap from being good to having difficulty to being good again. Being kind to someone else takes such minimal effort yet it is the most important thing people can do for one another.
The action of listening and making someone feel seen and supported solves more problems than ignoring and hoping it will go away.
As a person who suffers difficult times, it has been difficult to learn that people will help when they are asked. I just wish it was more common. If it didn’t have to involve knowing that not everyone can stand your struggle so choose your person wisely that would be so much better. It shouldn’t have to be this way.
Are you the one people can come to for help or support?
